Let’s talk about perfectionism

For the last two days, I’ve sat in my own filth on the same spot on the same couch letting anxiety boil inside me as I looked around my apartment at the stuff I needed to put away. After a long two travel days filed with delays and missed connections, I had finally gotten back to Boston. Up until two days ago, I was raring to go and get this semester off to the perfect start. Just a little bit of travel anxiety completely changed that. Why is it that this hiccup made everything fall off track? I’ll tell you. 

It was my flawed perfectionistic mindset. 

I looked around and saw what could be better. I thought, how can I make this perfect? Before I even open my suitcase, I should at least decide the plan for this corner, but wait actually, what about that little area? Maybe I should start in my closet actually. Once I’d decided everything around me wasn’t exactly what I wanted and no idea where to begin, I found myself two days later in that spot on the couch. My fear of imperfection stopped me from making any progress at all.

I’m here writing this mid-apartment clean-up. What got me to start cleaning? I put away one thing. I think it’s important I hold myself accountable by writing this and hopefully remind my dear readers (no one right now) to not follow my mistakes. Entering a new year can come with giant bursts of motivation, but it can also be daunting. The solution? 

Put one foot in front of the other.

Then breathe, and accept.

My apartment isn’t perfect. Truthfully, I can’t afford the kind of reorganizing I want to do right now. But what I described as  my own “filth”, is just the evidence of my life that I’ve built here in Boston. In my things, I can see my day to day activities, my personal style, the things I eat, and where I maybe spend a little too much money… (cough, cough, the products overflowing my vanity). Maybe I can learn to sit in the discomfort of imperfection and even recognize its beauty. 

At the very least, my imperfection is absolutely no reason to START.

And that marks my first blog post too. It’s funny how these things work out.